I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
