I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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