I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The best revenge is premature balding
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
