So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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