You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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