my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
