$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
