dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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