I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
