If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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