I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
