How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
