There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
