things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
