Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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