i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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