You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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