This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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