just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
