well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
