I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
