FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
