I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
