Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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