So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
