I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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