man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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