All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
