She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
