if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
