We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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