dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
