On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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