So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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