Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
