just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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