so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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