im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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