Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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