I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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