WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
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