i always forget guys have bellybuttons
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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