This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
