I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
