Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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