Soap is not a condiment
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
