He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
