Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize