he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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