Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
