none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
