areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
