today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
