We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
