please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A+ Viking dick
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