The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
