he wants to bone in the snuggie
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
