you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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