I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
