I think I just saw someone hide a body.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
