So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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