the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
