I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
