What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
