I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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