Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize