You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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