Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize