I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
