i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
