I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Let's get the cat blown out
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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