god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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