Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
