Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
