you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
