So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
