no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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