I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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