I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
