The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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