Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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