Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
