You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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