sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
