if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
