I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
