dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
