During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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