I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
