for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
